The life of an innercity child: the socio-economic and psychological realities of my world
I was named Paul Andrew Bourne by Janet Green and Percival Bourne. My first experience with the outside planet “real life” began at the Victoria Jubilee Hospital, Downtown Kingston, Kingston, West Indies, on December 5, 1968. After my grand arrival in the world, my mother who was a single parent resided at 110 Waltham Park Road. It was a tenement yard with some four families. My father happened to live just four (4) houses away with his common-law-wife and two (2) children. It appears that my mother was unable to accommodate my father’s lifestyle and so she relocated to Bryce Hill Road in August Town. Apparently, my parents were not about to end the relationship although there was distance between them and so the union continued. It produced another son named Kevin Roger Smith. What? Yes! My father was a domesticated gardener and my mother a kitchen help. It seems that Mr. Percival Bourne was unable to grapple with the difficulties of his socio-economic realities and parenthood so he migrated to the United States. I have not the vainness of recall of the man call father. The end of the union between my parents produced another relationship with Mr. Alfred George Beckford. This man stood at 5' 8" fall. He was a well-built and evenly proportioned man like a weigh lifter. Mr. Beckford was a carpenter who would utter the words "I am a grade one carpenter." This dark skinned man was always unpleasant and very hostile.
Besides having lived with my mother (Janet Green), I was also raised by my stepfather, Alfred Beckford. I recall my stepfather physically abusing my mother every fortnight. Although I am eternally grateful for Mr. Beckford’s financial assistance in advancing my present life, his physical appearance in the family was a bitter experience. With such an early socialization, some people asked, “Can anything good come from the ghettos?” I am the first of three children for my mother who lived in the communities of August Town (from 5+ to 22 years) and Waltham Park (between 0 and 5 years). Those communities are volatile innercity areas and boast a “rich” history of criminality and social deprivation. Therefore, what are the factors that have contributed to position today?
I attended Providence Primary School between 1976 and 1981. While at the school, I sat and was unsuccessful after three (3) trials at the Common Entrance Examinations. That experience broke my mother’s heart. I was sent at Papine Secondary School (now High) in 1981. I hated the school. As it was believed, then, that only the worst of the worst were sent to institution. After one year at the institution, I began attending Vauxhall Secondary (now High), where I completed my secondary education.
At Vauxhall, I sat six (6) Caribbean Examination Council (CXC) and 7 Secondary School Certificate (SSC) subjects. History has it that I was successful in three (3) CXC and six (6) SSC subjects. My experience proved too burdensome for my mother who ran away two years after my graduation. Consequently, three (3) main factors have shaped by love for the writing of English and my present success. They are past failures, an eleventh grade language teacher and my mother.
FAILURES
In retrospect, I was the only person in my family to have failed the Common Entrance Examination (CEE) on all three (3) sittings. Prior to my writing of the examination in 1980, my mother sent me regularly to extra classes in order to increase my chances of success. Because I hated the taste of failure, so much, I worked effortlessly in my final year in order to succeed but this was the reality? When the CEE results were published in August of 1980 and my name was not listed among those who passed the examination, my mother wept bitterly and uncontrollably for days. Given the smallness of the community and popularity of my family, it was a bitter experience for the entire family. I felt the knife of failure pierced through my soul when I realized that my name was nowhere to be found in the papers. My experience was likened to that of Christ when he said, “Father if this be possible let this cup past.” I had a weakness, in that I was unable to read, but why, why did I fail three times?
The CEE was not to be my experience at failing examination as I failed all course in the CXC examination that had a language component including English itself in 1986. I vowed to change this reality, but I wondered “how?”
Immediately after graduating from Vauxhall Secondary School in 1986, I sent an additional ten years trying pass English language. In the same time, I spent my days practicing to write different essays topics and answering numerous comprehension passages from a girlfriend’s English writing book but there was still not success in sight. I dreamt of passing CXC language. I came to the realization that this subject held the key to my success. However, how was I to achieve the success milestone within the context of not having a personal tutor or any teacher for than matter? What was I to do? My grade eleventh language teacher’s utterances kept me practicing daily as I vowed to be a success.
LANGUAGE TEACHER’S UTTERANCE
I went to Vauxhall with a weakness from my previous schools and was an inability to read. I wanted so desperately a teacher me show me the fundamentals of reading, comprehension and essay writing in order that I could make my mother proud. Nevertheless, the teachers were too busy teaching without understanding the teaching-learning process. In retrospect, I went to all the classes. I was a disciplined, respectful and a dedicated pupil. Hence, why was I scarred by a reading deficiency?
Furthermore, I spent one entire year in an eleventh grade class when it mattered most with a language teacher who saw the need on one occasion to write on the chalkboard. I vividly recall promptly having completed assignments without even being success at one. I was not about to give up as all my new friend in the class tried to assist. In addition, I had vowed to make my mother proud so failing was giving up. I had to succeed, but how?
Ms. Green the eleventh grade language teacher stood at approximately 6 feet tall, petite, also well spoken, confident and quiet in class. Despite her quietness and unassuming disposition, we reverenced her as though she were God. Although, we wanted so desperately to challenge her none involvement teaching style, we were never around to be disrespectful so much so that our parents will be summoned to school. Many persons treated us as outcast but language class ignited in us a spirit of fire for success, as our very English teacher was the icon of accomplishment in our world. It was the last day before the CXC examinations that all my friends and I became angered when the language teacher said I should buy and read a Junior English Revise. Primary school children primarily used that text. She said I would fail and fail I did.
Being the ambitious person that I am, after graduation in 1986, I worked on language alone. My first approach was to read extensively; second, to practice various comprehension passages and write every thing that I do. My language teacher’s words were the driving force behind my desire to excel. Although there was no success after ten (10) years, I continued the struggle as though she were there. I wrote, I kept writing, and sometimes I would rewrite items that were written many weeks ago but I kept writing because I had to reach the University. Then finally, in 1997, I passed English Language with a grade II with a profile that read expression ‘A’. Despite that accomplishment of having passed Language, I had done nothing that would make my mother proud. Therefore, how important was my mother in my writing career?
MOTHER
My mother was my best friend before she ran away in 1991. She knew that I was unable to read and write legible but she kept this as a secret from all her friends. As a domestic helper with a meager pay, she would come home in the evening just to assist in reading. I would be given words to spell, to memorize, to write and oftentimes she would resort to physical punishment in order that I would learn. It appeared that some demon had blocked by capacity to read but I learnt to write legibly after long. The experience was oftentimes tiresome and gruesome but she would stress the importance of writing. Everything that she did had to be written from grocery list, to things to do, to where to go and to comments. She was neither an academia nor a mathematician but she was a lover of writing. After having failed at the CXC in addition to the Common Entrance level, those issues seemed burdensome to the point where my mother ran away when I was just seventeen years. I felt betrayed, dejected and like an outcast but the ground was layed for a writer.
As of 2004, I hold a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Economics and Demography, a Diploma in Education, 7 CXCs and GCE Ordinary level subjects, 1 Advanced level subject and 6 SSCs. In addition, I am a graduate assistance at the prestigious University of the West Indies, Mona Campus, West Indies where I am pursuing a Master’s of Science degree in Demography. Being a graduate assistance it as afforded me, the privilege of tutoring first and second year courses at the University. Those courses include Introductory Statistics, Introductory Research Methods, Survey Design and Introduction to Population Studies. What is my next goal? “…….” Yes!